Burger King’s BK Super Seven Incher Ad & Quiznos Toasty Torpedo Ad

Burger King BK Super Seven Incher Ad (It'll Blow Your Mind Away)
Burger King BK Super Seven Incher Ad (It'll Blow Your Mind Away)

Hey Burger King! I saw your ad for the BK Super Seven Incher today. I think it’s kind of suggestive, but I’m not here to judge. I am only going to advise that you not make this a kids meal. And don’t put too much mayo on this sandwich because if that lady bites into it too hard, mayo might get all over her face. And the only reason that would be funny is because mayo on someone’s face is quite inconvenient. And also, I was under the impression that size matters to some people. Do you realize that Subway has footlong sandwiches? That’s like 12 inches, right? Subway’s got you by 5 inches. Subway owns you, if you ask me.

Oh yeah, how about that copy: It’ll blow your mind away. Is there a cocaine joke in there? Maybe it’s a funny play on words – a pun or a euphamism that goes well with the proximity of the 7-inch sandwich to that lady’s open mouth. Wait a minute?! Is this an ad that is trying to sell me a sandwich by stimulating both my stomach and my lower region with sexual overtones in picture form? I think it is. Goodness. There I was thinking that this pretty lady just had her mouth open because she was so compelled to take a bite out of a 7-inch sandwich. Oh no. A bite? That sounds painful. Your ad is making me think of my special guy getting bitten by a hungry lady. That’s not good marketing. At all. In fact, I no longer want anything to do with this 7-inch sandwich. Don’t even mention the BK Super Seven Incher around me ever again.

I’d rather go to Quiznos anyways. They’ve got a sexy commercial where this sexy hot oven says, “Put in in me, Scott.” And Quiznos sandwiches are bigger than 7 inches. And their sandwich is called the Toasty Torpedo, which sounds much tastier than a sandwich described by its length. And torpedo makes it sound longer and harder, and it also sounds like it would take longer to finish. Maybe you should have taken notes from Quiznos because they know how to do it right.

Note: Honestly, sarcasm aside – really, Burger King and Quizno’s? Really? I see what you’re doing, but I have to ask one question: Will heterosexual men ever want to eat the BK Super Seven Incher or the Toasty Torpedo? It’s almost like the ad is screaming at me, “Hey! Put 7 inches of meat in your mouth.” And it’s doing it in an overtly sexual way that does not have a clear target. Is this ad for men, women, or (god forbid) kids? And Quiznos, don’t think you’re off the hook. In the Toasty Torpedo commercial, the hot warm oven has a man’s voice. WTF? This whole line of advertising is just confusing me. I don’t think of fast food as sexy. Fast food is gross. The two just don’t mix. It’s like that time in the Simpsons where Comic Book Guy says, “But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You’re from two different worlds… .” Fast food and sexy just don’t mix. Even though this pretty lady is about to take a seven inch sandwich like a champ, it’s just plain confusing. But job well done in creating a viral ad. I respect that. Kind of. But still.